the woeful tale of a former ice skater named Sophie.

'Tis less than a week until Thanksgiving, y'all. And by that I mean, less than a week until the day we've designated for calories to not count and if you eat less than 3 dinners you should be ashamed! That's how it works, RIGHT? Anyways I'm going to eat a whole lot of food for the next few days. You know, so that my stomach will be prepared for the day of all days. That makes sense, right? That's how THAT works too, right!?!?!

Thanksgiving is probably tied with Christmas for my favorite holiday. I like pretty lights, I like FOOOOOOODDDDD, I like presents, I like my family (most of the time), I like cold weather, and I like FOOOOOOOOD. But most of all, I like food.

You can tell where my priorities lie. 

(this is where you guys are all, SOPHIE HOW ARE YOU NOT THE SIZE OF A SMALL COUNTRY. And I would be like, I hide it well.) 

Today I got my Thanksgiving sweater, and it's pretty and sparkly and pretty. Add holidays clothes to my list of why this is the moooossttt wonnnnderrfullll tiiimmmeee offff theeee YEAAAARRR!

Also, ice skating. 

Let me take you back to a time where the ever so clumsy yet still ever so lovely Sophie was taking ice skating lessons. Yes. I did that. And everyone was SHOCKED because I was pretty decent and not skating into walls and breaking things. Same with skiing. And when I ran track. ANYWHO, one tragic day, I had a pair of skates that were too big. Unfortunately for me, it was the day of our test to see if we could go to the next level. I told my instructor, but she was all YOU'LL BE FINE. I call sabotage. I was NOT fine. AND SHE DIDN'T PASS ME TO THE NEXT LEVEL. And that's when I decided to steal Christmas. Not really, but I did quit because I didn't want to be held back in that class with all the babies. I obviously handled things with grace in 7th grade.

Moral of the story: Never trust your ice skating instructor, she's setting you up for failure. SHE PROBABLY WANTS IT.

Other moral of the story: Never date a girl who's CAREER as an ice skater was stolen from her grasps, because she will make you take her skating so she can relive her glory days. I'm looking at you, Michael. Bundle up, my dear, because we have a lot of ice skating to do this winter.