90 years later...

It would seem as if I'm dipping my feet back into my beloved blog home.

I took a completely random 8 months off of blogging. The last time I blogged was in January! I think it was nice to not constantly be thinking about what I need to post about next. That being said, coming back to my little space is so nice. I didn't realize how much I had missed it! It feels so...normal.

Anywho, I'm SURE you're asking yourself what I've been doing with myself. Well, if you must inquire!

-To begin with Michael and I celebrated our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! By going to Chicago. Oh my goodness, was it perfect. I could gush about that trip for hours. On top of frolicking around the city, we also got to visit his old stomping ground, Naperville. I can't decide which part I adored more. All of it, I adored all of it. Also, I adore Michael. But everyone already knew that!

That's probably definitely the most exciting thing I did this summer. Other than that, I worked, laid around my house, and went to Target. Typical Sophie stuff.

Oh, I also marathoned 5 seasons of Breaking Bad in a week and a half, so there's that. Pretty proud of myself for THAT one. That show gives me anxiety in the best/worst way possible.

other things that I just randomly thought of:

-Michael's family got a puppy in March, named Marcy. Yes, after Marceline from Adventure Time. She is the sweetest, silliest little bebe and I love her! My phone has more pictures of her than anything else, probably.

Aaaand we (me, Michael, Marcy, and Bizzy) spent a billion days at the dog park this summer. I'm going to miss watching them run around the park all the time when the cold months come!


I plan on slowly bringing you pretty readers even more in the loop on the happy haps of my life. Tomorrow I shall blog solely about Marcy the puppy. Don't worry about it.

nobody say we aren't photographers...well because we already know it.


it's so good to be back!



rain, rain, stay awhile. (a guide to a hoopla filled rainy day)

January is the most awful month in the whole world. WHO EVEN CAME UP WITH THIS MONTH?

There is absolutely nothing to be excited about in January. Unless you hate holidays and love the bitter cold. Then party on.

I feel as if eeeveryone has the January funk, this year. That would be all good and jolly if that was the latest dance craze (I'm sending myself to the corner for that joke) BUT. IT'S. NOT. It's lame and awful and lame and I cannot wait until February because that means Valentine's Day and that means I can throw heart shaped things at everyone. YESSSS. Last year, I wanted to karate chop every single couple holding hands apart just because I was slightly bitter. This year I still want to do it...because I still think it would be fun.

But I digress. A lot.

This particular January has been especially weird because the weather has been flinging itself around. Just a week ago, it was snowing. Today it was in the 60s and stormy, yesterday it was SEVENTY. Whaaaa? I don't know. Apparently January forgot it was January and is trying to be March. YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO BE MARCH, JANUARY. NEVER.

Anyways. Put on some warm socks (this phrase is in no way a thing, but I'm making it a thing) because I have compiled as list of ways to handle January's insecurity. Even though there are only two days of January left. But whatever. RAINY DAY COPING MECHANISMS, GO.

(i love you, warm polka dot socks. i do.)

Basically, this includes socks (but we've already covered that...that being feet. with socks.), twinkly lights, many blankets, Arcade Fire, and a recipe for muffins. bald cupcakes.

Earl Grey Poppy Seed Muffins:

ingredients:
4 Earl Grey Tea bags (or about 4 tsp loose tea leaves)
(1 cup) milk
(2 1/2 cups) self-raising flour
(3/4 cup) sugar
1 tbsp poppy seeds
(1 stick plus 1 more tbsp) butter, melted
2 eggs, lightly whisked
To glaze or serve: marmalade or apricot jam


First of all, preheat that oven to 350°F and line a 12-hole cupcake pan with liners, OR folded squares of baking paper, if you want to get all fancy. Then warm the milk until it's almost boiling in a small saucepan, add tea bags, and set aside to infuse and cool. Place the flour, sugar and poppy seeds in a large mixing bowl and stir to combine. Add the milk/tea mixture, butter, and eggs and use a whisk to gently combine until smooth. After you spoon the batter into the cupcake pan, put the pan in the oven and have a 25 minute Arcade Fire dance party. THIS IS ESSENTIAL TO THE INTEGRITY OF THE MUFFINS. I REPEAT, ESSENTIAL. Try your best not to over-dance/over-bake them because they will explode. Not really, but you WILL have some dry muffins. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Finally, spread some apricot jam on those muffins and prepare to never want to eat anything else ever again. Seriously. 


(ESSENTIAL.)

After you have sufficiently stuffed yourself with muffins, I recommend curling up in your nest of a bed, turning on all the strings of fairy lights you have in your room, listening to the rain/ thunder, and taking a nap/ watching a movie. 

I wish I could marry my bed. 

And THAT is how you handle a rainy, not snowy, day in JANUARY. (let me reiterate that you need to pull yourself together, January.) I'm ready for you February. Valentine's Day and the anticipation of spring, HERE I COME! 

actuellement.


 

     

currently, I am...

loving: this weirdo transition my life has been in the last two weeks. Nothing worth noting has happened, but  boy do I feel it. Although I have been loving it, I also hate it times two.

reading: Franny and Zooey... I'm completely loving it so far, but I expect nothing less from J.D. Salinger. note: I'm still chugging along on The Hobbit, as well. I forgot about it for awhile, but I'm going to give it another go.

watching: Downton Abbey! The new season's started, and I've already fallen behind. Tonight has consisted of a marathon, and ohmygoodgollygosh, IS IT GOOD. Also, Chinese food. I ordered it tonight and hello good life choice.

anticipating: springspringspring. Winter has always been my absolute favorite season, but this year that isn't so. I'm so completely over it. I'm in a wintery slump. Bring on the spring weather!

listening to: oh, let me take this opportunity to present you lovelies with a PLAYLIIIISTTTT!


planning: You know, I'm more of a "fly by the seat of my pants" type of gal. ;) no but really.

working on: cleaning out my closet. RIDDING MYSELF OF CLUTTER. If only I wasn't severely attached to every single thing I own. This is bad.

wishing: to settle back into a groove. I had such a good one going, and then the holidays came and I haven't been able to settle into a new one! And I've just felt so OFF. HOLIDAYS, YOU THREW OFF MY GROOOVEEE.



Also, I want to apologize for my lack of blogging.... if my life were more interesting maybe I would have something to blog about. SIIIGH. I blame winter.


moins et plus.

Things I need to do less of:
worrying
biting my nails
picking at my cuticles
procrastinating
complaining
being a crankypants
talking about myself
making mountains out of molehills
eating DAIRY (maybe I should be vegan again. YES.)
buying things
being lazy
WORRYING

Things I need to do more of:
reading books
eating healthy
having solo dance parties
listening
appreciating myself and my lovely little life
doing laundry
enjoying
shaving my legs (ew gross, self)
throwing things away
being satisfied with what I have
keeping my room tidy
blogging more (ahem...)
practicing being a better daughter, sister, girlfriend, etc... basically just the best version of myself possible.
having more silly photoshoots, shamelessly. it's good for the soul.
making a conscious effort to be happy...
i'm learning that sometimes that doesn't just come,
even if you have the most fabulous circumstances.

also, this is my first blog post of the year.
2012 went by a little too fast for my taste.
2013, I hope you are as kind to me as 2012 was. 
We really were grand old friends, last year and I.

conversational meows.

You guys, it happened again. I had a moment with an animal last night. I'm beginning to think I'm the second coming of Eliza Thornberry or something.

Last night, as Michael and I were walking into his house, I spotted a cat across the street. So naturally...I meowed at it. And Michael was like, I think it just meowed back at you. I didn't hear it, so of course I meowed again. And it meowed. And I meowed. And it meowed. And we carried on like this for like FIVE MINUTES, just meowing back and forth. And then Michael tried meowing...and my kitty friend just stared. And then I meowed again after this... and it meowed AGAIN. It had a conversation with me and completely snubbed Michael. HA! It would start to walk away and then I would meow again and it would stop and turn around and meow. I just hope my meows were nice meows and I wasn't unknowingly telling it that it's mother is fat and has a catnip problem.

Let's not talk about the fact that I stood in my boyfriend's driveway conversationally meowing with a cat for a good five minutes.


p.s. I think I just beat the record for "most times using 'meow' in a blog post." I would like a plaque and an honorary place in the crazy cat lady hall of...meows.

things that say a lot about us.

"things that say a lot about people:
the way in which they treat the waiter/waitress
how they feel about the weather
whether they dog ear pages or highlight in books
fingernails
and hands in general
their preferred creative outlet
how much they dread/enjoy talking on the phone
whether or not they drink coffee
if they ever forget to eat
how honest they are with themselves (and others)
if they correct your grammar
and whether or not they get nervous before haircuts."
by this person


i. I tend to treat waiters and waitresses with cautious politeness. Cautiousness, because ordering food just makes me feel so awkward and nervous. I don't know why. But my heart thumps and I get nervous and my voice comes out really small, or at least I think it does. When I'm in a group, or even just with one other person, God forbid they let me order first. I like being very last, thank you. But I treat waiters and waitresses and really any other stranger with extreme extreme politeness and I like to say thank you a lot, because I know they probably had to deal with at least one extreme jerk that day. 

ii. When I think about it, I like all weather. I love a good, warm, summer day, I love rainy days, snow makes my heart happy, and who can resist frolicking in spring-ish weather?! Although, my curly hair and I LOATHE humidity. He is our biggest foe.

iii. My heart breaks every time I see a page in a book dog eared. Books should be treated with a ridiculous amount of care, really. Although I do love a well loved book. And I don't mind a highlighted book, or a book with notes in the margin. Again with the well loved thing!

iv. My nails are a hot mess, usually. I just painted them yesterday, and already, every single nail is chipped and picked at. I bite my nails. My cuticles are the worst. I have a horrid habit at picking at my nails when I'm nervous. Which is most of the time.

v. I have teeny tiny first grader hands. I'm judgemental about hands and feet so I'm really glad I like mine. They're extremely soft, and my fingertips are tough from years of playing the violin. I have permanent blisters on the palm of both hands from 4th grade when I taught myself to do the monkey bars. It was seriously THE only thing I would do at recess everyday, basically all year. I was so set on learning. And there is not much more I like than holding hands!

vi. Photography and writing are my creative outlets of choice. Writing, mostly. This semester, I've been taking a creative writing class, and it's been such a joy! I never enjoyed poetry, not even a little before this, but now that I've grown to really love it. And photography, well I love photography oh so much. I just haven't picked up my camera seriously, in awhile. I need to do that.

vii. I actually really enjoy talking on the phone, depending on with who it is. If it's someone I know very well, it's nice. If you can't see the person face to face, it's so much better than texting. I have a love-hate relationship with texting. It causes an unbelievable amount of worry and anxiety for me, in some cases, but at the same I just really love it. It's complicated. But I, just like everyone, prefer face to face over ANYTHING. 

viii. Oh coffee. Another love-hate relationship. It tastes so good, but it makes me so twitchy and I react to it so awfully. But that doesn't stop me from getting some every day before work. On Valentine's Day, I had the worst reaction to coffee that I ever had and I stopped drinking it for months. And then I had some a few months ago, and it's just been downhill from there. Curse you, Starbucks!

ix. It is a very, very rare occasion that I forget to eat. My life basically revolves around food. They don't call me the human garbage disposal for nothing!

x. I think I'm brutally honest with myself. I think. I don't know. I don't think I lie to myself to make myself feel better about things. If anything, I think it's the opposite. I get all panicky about things that I really know aren't true, but I convince myself they are true. I don't even know if that makes sense! And I know I am very, very honest with everyone. I don't really count this as dishonesty, but a lot of the time, it's so much easier to just tell people I'm fine than try to explain why I'm feeling blue. A lot of the time, I don't even know myself, so how the heck am I supposed to explain it to someone else?!

xi. I am awful about correcting people's grammar. I've gotten better about saying it out loud, but mentally, I always am correcting, If I said it out loud, I would have more enemies than friends. 

xii. Well, this is fortuitous timing! Yesterday, I had eight inches of hair cut off. I was a nervous wreck. I haven't had my hair this short in a very long while. I kept teetering back and forth between wanting to do it and backing down. But, I was surprisingly confident when I walked into my hair studio yesterday. I told my lovely stylist, Angie, that right then I was absolutely sure I wanted to do it, and that we had to get it over with quick before I changed my mind. Let me tell you, guys.... I have never ever loved my hair this much! It's so bouncy and swooshy and lovely. 

(sorry for the instagram picture. Anticipate a better picture in the next few days!)



heartbeats.

Heartbeats is probably one of my favorite songs, ever. It is absolutely in my top five favorites. Every variation, too. The original, by Jose Gonzalez (don't even get me started on the brilliance that is him) and also the cover by the Knife. And then, the Knife performing it live, which is different from the recorded one. This song is so good in all forms.

I have had it resolved for like A YEAR, that both forms will be included in my imaginary wedding SOMEHOW. First dance, simply being played at the reception, whatever! Let's just not talk about how much thought I've put into this, guys.

I listen to this song AT LEAST once a day (today it's been twice...). And I'm posting this for no other reason than the fact that I want to share the wonderfulness of this song. And for you guys to think I'm weird for knowing what songs will be played at my wedding. And EVEN WEIRDER YET, for blogging about it.

So like, you're welcome and stuff.

   
                                                                                                                   



the woeful tale of a former ice skater named Sophie.

'Tis less than a week until Thanksgiving, y'all. And by that I mean, less than a week until the day we've designated for calories to not count and if you eat less than 3 dinners you should be ashamed! That's how it works, RIGHT? Anyways I'm going to eat a whole lot of food for the next few days. You know, so that my stomach will be prepared for the day of all days. That makes sense, right? That's how THAT works too, right!?!?!

Thanksgiving is probably tied with Christmas for my favorite holiday. I like pretty lights, I like FOOOOOOODDDDD, I like presents, I like my family (most of the time), I like cold weather, and I like FOOOOOOOOD. But most of all, I like food.

You can tell where my priorities lie. 

(this is where you guys are all, SOPHIE HOW ARE YOU NOT THE SIZE OF A SMALL COUNTRY. And I would be like, I hide it well.) 

Today I got my Thanksgiving sweater, and it's pretty and sparkly and pretty. Add holidays clothes to my list of why this is the moooossttt wonnnnderrfullll tiiimmmeee offff theeee YEAAAARRR!

Also, ice skating. 

Let me take you back to a time where the ever so clumsy yet still ever so lovely Sophie was taking ice skating lessons. Yes. I did that. And everyone was SHOCKED because I was pretty decent and not skating into walls and breaking things. Same with skiing. And when I ran track. ANYWHO, one tragic day, I had a pair of skates that were too big. Unfortunately for me, it was the day of our test to see if we could go to the next level. I told my instructor, but she was all YOU'LL BE FINE. I call sabotage. I was NOT fine. AND SHE DIDN'T PASS ME TO THE NEXT LEVEL. And that's when I decided to steal Christmas. Not really, but I did quit because I didn't want to be held back in that class with all the babies. I obviously handled things with grace in 7th grade.

Moral of the story: Never trust your ice skating instructor, she's setting you up for failure. SHE PROBABLY WANTS IT.

Other moral of the story: Never date a girl who's CAREER as an ice skater was stolen from her grasps, because she will make you take her skating so she can relive her glory days. I'm looking at you, Michael. Bundle up, my dear, because we have a lot of ice skating to do this winter. 

a lot of words from a holiday cheermeister.

I was reading some of my blog posts from awhiiiiilllllleeeeee ago, and man. I feel like I had so much to say then, but now I have nothing interesting to say/blog about.

My blog posts from the beginning of the summer were very very wordy, and my blog posts from the last few months have been......well....about nothing. They've been quotes, poems, songs... but nothing about the happy haps with me or my thoughts.

Then I didn't have a life, now I do. Then I had a lot to blog about, now I don't. SHOULDN'T IT BE THE OPPOSITE?!?! LIKE WHAT? Seriously guys. I just would sit in my room wallowing in self pity, moping around, and EATING. Now I have a lovely job, a lovely boyfriend and....school. (notice that I left the lovely out. School, I'm tired of youuuuuu.) But I feel like I should have a lot more blogging material than I do. First of all, I need to pick my camera up more often. I haven't touched dearest Sylvester in a darn while. But my sista is borrowing him for the time being, for reasons that will remain a mystery. Oh Sophie, quit being so vague, you say? Hush, reader. Hush.

AnyWHOOOOOO, put some warm socks on because I'm about to fill you in on my random thoughts and things that have been making my heart happy, as of late. ( I don't know why you should put warm socks on, but it just sounds good.)

-First off, can we just have a moment to appreciate that CHRISTMAS IS UPON US?!?!?! I know, I know. Christmas *technically* does not start until the day after Thanksgiving, but to that I say OH POOH! ( for those of you who don't know, that's British for "whatever." Chronicles of Narnia taught me this.) I am the ultimate Christmas cheermeister, and last year I was deprived of Christmas, so this year is like MEGA CHRISTMAS!

-I really like Michael a lot, mostly because he smells nice. This is very important to me.

- I SAW REGINA SPEKTOR IN CONCERT AND IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL THING I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED! Everyone knows that she's my favorite singer ever, and it was everything I dreamed. Her voice is what I imagine cuddling with many puppies and kittens sounds like. She was so adorable, and even a little nervous! Michael was such a trooper about it. He's not a fan of concerts in general, and he doesn't know Regina all too well, but he went with me and was just such a good concert partner. I cannot thank my dear boyfriend enough!

-I like to describe myself as little orphan Annie with a dash of Michael Scott.

-Today my mom told me my outfits always have way too much going on, that they're too busy. HELLO, THIS IS MY THING. It matches my ridiculous personality.

-It's 11 o'clock at night, I am bouncing off the walls with energy, and I have tomorrow off of work. This all points to one thing. BAKING, DRINKING LARGE QUANTITIES OF SPRITE, AND LISTENING TO CHRISTMAS MUSIC! SOMEBODY STOP ME!

And that is that for tonight. It feels SO nice to write a super duper long, wordy, blog post. I'm going to try to get back into the habit. Lord knows everyone wants Sophie to talk more...PERISH THE THOUGHT.

US, whilst waiting in line for Reginnnnnaaaa.
I was drooling a little. (NO I REALLY WAS NOT.)



we just are.


"When words run dry,
he does not try,
nor do I.
We are on par.
He just is,
I just am
and we just are."

I love this poem so, so much. Not going to lie, I totally just found it like 10 minutes ago. But I love it, nevertheless! Time does not assert how much we can or cannot love something, right?
Anyways, just wanted to stop by with that lovely little ditty! I shall be back in a few-ish days to tell the goings on in my life. However boring they may be. Au revoir!

well done, sister suffragette.

Fellow constituents,
Tomorrow is a SUPAH big day in the form of ELECTION DAY! I have been eagerly awaiting the day I can finally vote for years, and it's finally, finally here. I cannot express my excitement. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight because I'm that excited. IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS.

With that being said I think it's absolutely imperative that everyone vote. Just vote. This right has been fought for time and time again, in so many different capacities, so we ought to appreciate and exercise it. No one says (or sings) it better than Mrs. Banks from Mary Poppins. [my personal favorite line is "though we adore men individually, we can agree that as a group they're raaatherrrrr stuuuupiiiiddd!"]

Honestly, I've been marching around singing this song all day today. (i wish i was kidding. no i don't.)


So get out there tomorrow, be civil towards one another, vote for who YOU want, and SING SOME MARY POPPINS.

Work that "I voted" sticker, work it.

spice up your life.


Guys, this seriously is my favorite song right now. And I feel no shame over it. It's been on repeat and repeat and repeat. Currently, my mom and I are having a Spice Girls dance party in our kitchen.


Zig a zig aaaahhhhh!

life lately, according to instagram.


Steak 'n Shake. We had coupons, duh.
Waiting for class.
Have you SEEN a cuter face? 
Lulu....cat or dog?
A leaf clinging to Michael's car's window.
I found Kayla wandering around Target today! After being apart for two months, we cried and screamed
and hugged and made people stop and stare. You know, the usual for us.
Michael's suhweet art project.
We had a nice little date on Monday. We saw the Perks of Being a Wallflower.
It was just as good as the book.

*these are COMPLETELY out of order. Whoops.

a good butterfly feeling.


source.

I am a worrier. I worry about most everything. I create problems in my head that I think exist, when they don't actually exist at all. I know so many people struggle with this, and it is not a good feeling.

There is always something to worry about, some sort of problem, existent or not, to be had. But instead of thinking like that, I'm going to try and start shoo-ing away those negative thoughts and filling my head with the good things that I know are truer.

It's going to be difficult, I'm sure. But I'm tired of my stomach always having caterpillars crawling around it...I'm going to turn those caterpillars into that good butterfly feeling.

Let's let those bad thoughts go like a giant bouquet of balloons.

a happy list.

link.

10 things that have been making me terribly happy, lately.

1. Old vintage electric fans. (I'm looking at you, mint green fan in my room.)

2. my new iPhone, heck yeah! That thing is attached to my hand. Which is probably not a very good thing.

3. the changing leaves outside. The trees are on fire.

4. Regina Spektor. (less than a month until her concert!)

5. clean laundry. clean sheets, especially.

6. hearing the sweetest words.

7. good. hair. days.

8. wearing tights, boots, and twirly dresses.

9. pinning Christmas things on Pinterest. (what is too early?!)

10. Netflix. It makes me so happy, always.

stick figures.




To offset the general bleh-ness of my last post, I give you THE SECOND POST OF THE NIGHT! You are so welcome. It's Michael and I in stick figure form.

That is all.

a lull.


"That country where it is always turning late in the year. That country where the hills are fog and the rivers are mist; where noons go quickly, dusks and twilights linger, and midnights stay...That country whose people are autumn people, thinking only autumn thoughts. Whose people passing at night on the empty walks sound like rain."

Life lately, in a word, has been hectic. Work, school, see Michael, REPEAT. 

My life has been very unbloggable as of late.
Maybe it's not even that it's been unbloggable, but maybe that I just haven't been very good at documenting it lately? I haven't picked up my beloved Sylvester in about two weeks! It's been mostly instagram. Speaking of that, I got an iPhone yesterday... let's just say my life has been completed by this in a way that is slightly concerning. I was thinking of running away with it. 

ANYWAYS, I'm going to try and pick up my actual camera more often. I just need to find my blogging inspiration again. I feel like I've been struggling with their consistency for months. Also, I totally hear the pumpkin patch calling my name! I need to frolic in a pumpkin patch, darn it!

Maybe one day my blog posts will be about interesting things again, maybe.


I love the Vitamin String Quartet, and I love Arcade Fire.
So this is heart exploding material.

je m'appelle sophie.


Je m'appelle Sophie Newman. C'est mon prènom Sophie. C'est mon nom de famille Newman. Mon père s'appelle Brian. Ma mère s'appelle Lori. J'ai deux frères. S'appellent Owen et Cory. J'ai un soeur. S'appelle Chelsey. Moi, j'ai les cheveux bruns...et roux. Les yeux bleu. Je ressemble a grand-mère. 

That's probably riddled with errors, but I almost don't even care! Thanks to my wonderful FRAAAANCH class, I can write a paragraph about myself in French. I'm so excited about this fact. I've wanted to speak French for the LONGEST time, and now I am. I AM. I can't get over it. I feel like Liz in Eat, Pray, Love. Why is that book so good. Why have I read it three times. And why have I seen the movie three times, too. NO. I feel like an Aristocat. Meow. ANYWAYS, I've gone from only being able to say bonjour, baguette and oui oui, to speaking full French sentences. Now excuse me, while I go put on my beret and twirl my fancy French mustache.  

next to me.

"Je voudrais manger quel que chose" means "I would like to eat something."
I NEED IT. 

This is possibly my new favorite Julie Andrews picture! have I ever mentioned how much I love her?



What a fox.

Nothing but love for this movie, still. It comes with nice memories.

I just love everything about this picture.



What a stylish guy.

I do think I need this sweater!
Sleeping At Last is my newest music obsession, and this is the sweetest song I ever did hear. The lyrics are too sweet and good. Oh, my heart just fills when I listen to it! Every song I've listened to by them has melted my heart. Just sayin'.

I hope everyone had a simply lovely Sunday... and here's to punching the rest of the week in the face!  

(I've decided whenever I can't decide on a name for a post, I'll just use the title to whichever song I used. CHEERS TO ORIGINALITY!)

one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine. ten.

Owen Riley.


Today is my sweet baby brother's 15th birthday. He is so old. And so tall. And such a funny, sassy, and lovely little human being.

Happy birthday, O-man! I love you a whole freaking lot. Even when I'm pestering you...



p.s. I totally asked for presents today because 15 years ago was the death of my days as the youngest child. My mom laughed. Let's just have a moment of silence for the loss of being the youngest.